Why???
Why do I feel like blogging right now, when I have loads of stuff to learn for tomorrow’s exam and when I absolutely have no idea as to what fate awaits me during tomorrow’s exam?
Why does it feel like browsing the net when I know that I stand to gain much more if I studied for the ongoing exams?
Why does it feel like listening to James Blunt’s -- “You’re beautiful” again and again, when I have absolutely no suicidal tendencies or even a ‘girlfriend’ – forget her deserting me for someone else?
Why do I find it so burdensome to hold my attention and not let my thoughts wander during any course lecture – be it engrossing or boring?
Why do I fear failure so much when actually the desire to succeed burns so bright deep down inside of me?
Why do I feel so utterly claustrophobic—lonely and tied up—, when, ironically, I am in fact in the company of spirited, animated, bubbly and vivacious friends?
Why do I end up plastering a plastic smile across my sullen face when in others’ company?
Why does it feel so difficult to trust anybody when all I desire is someone to share my feelings and lighten up my heart?
Why does it feel so onerous to forget things that I ought to have forgotten a long time ago?
Why is it so difficult to break out of that pessimistic outlook I get into occasionally—for short time spans— when I know that it ain’t right and that too when I am completely aware of my malfeasance?
Why does it feel like dialing that number when I know the repercussions that will arise out of my actions will be quite severe?
Why does she feel so close to me and yet so isolated from me?
Why does the heart yearn to go home when I know that it isn’t possible until certain things fall in place?
Why do tears trickle out of my eyes and damp my pillow when I am on my cot and get lost in thoughts, when I know the majority residing in the time-zone I do are in a deep slumber?
Why then does it feel so???
15 comments:
dude .... take a chill pill :)
btw nice blog
Dude ..Great way of penning down feelings dat flow in ur heart !!
btw hu is dat making u so irrestible frm calling her !!
oye....forget everythn..first finish off ur exams!!!...i jus want ya to tell ..hey maha t exams went realy well..n nothin else ok??!!!
well, exams are bang on target. they've rekindled the inquisitive spirit in you[:P]. it doesn't matter that most of these questions have nothing to do with the exams.
sometimes, i feel that it's not as important to find answers to questions as to keep asking them.
Buddy,
When u refrain urself from doing a particular activity,more will be the compulsion,for various reasons, from inside to break it.I donno with what accuracy this holds good, but i observed this applies very well to a generic IITian.It z like tht chemical equilibrium wherein, as u remove a product/compound, reaction takes more aggressively to produce that product so that K-equilibrium is maintained a constant, in ur own language,stud chem chap.You cant change the reactions that take place in ur gray matter, in a night.Well,i am not averse to 'change'.It is a slow proceess,it can't happen all a sudden.The slower it is, the steadier it will be.
In your case,you are so stressed out and your mind switched yourself to an activity,from where you used to derive happiness,comfort,and pleasure.For you it is blogging, for others it may be banging their head to a METALLICA song,watching an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, even it can be watching a po#% video.The interesting fact is, the more you stressed out the more will be adrenalin released and hence more $%x activity.
And mind you,it is very common and there are many like you with similar musings, including myself.
@anonymous
Where they available??? lol...need quite a few everyday I guess.... been quite down and out for long.
@sandeep
Did I say I couldn't call "her"... Or did i say dial a number??? I never specified nething i guess :)) Careful while you read!!!
@maha
Yeah this time exams were much better than I thought they would turn out to be. The blog was a one-off thing
@whoami
Yeah exams do a lot of good to kgp junta.... arouse the creative urge, midnight chats(bhaat), higher energy gaming in many cases, DC pe bhaat and much more
@Vamsidhar
Hey, seems Kiddo has grown up. Can observe a lot of change since I'd last seen you. You have become much more worldly-wise. (Definitely not the sweet-eating chocolate-loving kiddo with the i-exist-to-mug-and-only-mug expression) Didn't know you were such a master of Le-Chatelier's principle or that it held so much relevance to life!!!(Hope his name is spelt correct)
And whats with this P@%^ and $#@ thing... I thought that was avoidable. Maybe we share the same levels of frustness.... generic IITians we are!!! And by the way I would like to know whats ya preferred activity when ya stressed out???
Acads---Personality---Emotions.....The perfect blend that makes an IITian...This could be what I can say the one line succinct of the peace u have penned down dude.....Yeah its very close to each and every individual(esp....an iitian like u and me)...good going...Hope to see much more like these from u in coming days..But I will have to say one thing at this juncture......The utilisation of ur frusstness in bringing out such beautiful close to heart peaces is awesome ...keep it up.....
If not now then when dude (i mean at wat point in our life)? It's ok that u have such kinda feelings but thing is that life shud go on and it shud not be like "And i dunno wat 2 do " :D.Just Keep Goin.
Chal i'll arrange more bhaat sessions in nagi's room ..this can kewwwl u to a li'll.. :)
One More thing Maestro, U roked comp soft.Top 10% isn't easy....kneel !! kneel !!
@saiki
Thanx dude!!! Be there always.... Nice to see ya name on the comments also and strange seeing many people including you echoing similar sentiments and i seriously wish everything is well with you.... you cant make ya self free of the inevitable tensions we come across -- particulary this age of ours
@nag,dave
forget compsoft.... had u guys too had only 1 exam that day u would have done much better than me and that I am sure.....
Sure i would love to have one huge bhaat session with both you darlings in one of ya rooms or even mine...
And true certain things u need to experience at this point of ya life... We've had many discussions and we will sure have many more in the future... and nag sorry for compelling you so many times.... Please bear with me and my antics... ok... luv ya both
dude man be happy. stress is good. u have one life after all.
if you look at it that way, everything's a paradox!
just take things as they come.
you want to dial that number? dial away!
second thoughts just lead to third thoughts and so on.. :) not of any use.
I dumbstruck..so true!can so very well relate to all this..that apart,..I feel,the more u think abt it,the more horrible it becums.wat say? and thoughts give way to one another..i quite agree with Shruthi on this
n Good luck for ur exams..
@Ramu
Assuming you came here thro' KS' blog.. neways thanx for dropping by and life is just moving on... good times, bad times and everything else. Only I need to view and accept all situations and stay on the ground.
@Shruti
Thanx for some soothing words... Actually your words sounded so relevant and it's something i pondered over seriously and decided wat to do
@Krithika
Mind goes blank sometimes when I sit alone and think of my life... I dunno where I am headed to and its all the more confusing.... Feels awful but then have to get on with all these emotions
Nicely Penned thoughts mate...
keep up teh good work!!!
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