Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

I let go of your hand. I wished I could hold it longer. I just wished.

I pined for you to come back. I was quite sure you would return. “If your love is true, Let go of it. It will surely return back.” So went the saying. That’s what the crappy movies made me believe.

I kept waiting. I still keep waiting. Will you return?

*********************************************

You let go of my hand. Couldn’t you have held it longer? As you unwrapped your fingers along my wrist, I wished for them to stay and strengthen the clasp. Alas, It wasn’t meant to be.

I wished you would understand the hurt. I longed for you to grip my hand again. I waited for a while – It seemed like it were ages.

Then we drifted apart. We still keep drifting apart. Now I can no more see you.

I would do anything to feel the grip of your hand on my wrist. But if I return, will you take me back? Worse still, Will you even be waiting?

Silent Tears!!!

Every day, I wait for you. You never come.

Yet I persevere. One day I hope you will. With this hope, I live.

The last time I waited through the wee hours of the night. It was freezing. The cold tested my guts. I was frozen to the bone. I could have so easily quit. But then the pain was obscured by the joy in persevering with the thought that you would arrive. You never did.

**********************************************

I could not sleep. You were in all my thoughts. I tried shutting you off my thoughts. I cleared my mind. I assumed I was at peace.

You somehow found the way to claw back.

When did I bestow this power upon you? Never realized all the way, that giving you this power was nothing but losing a few powers myself.

**********************************************

It looked like an old folded piece of paper. I was about to dispose it off in the dustbin. But the writing seemed familiar. I opened the paper. It was one of the many letters you had written.

In flooded a multitude of thoughts. I was caught in a time warp – transporting me along a chain of events that resulted in the letter and the events that ensued thereafter. It still is a distinct memory. I felt like I was in a trance. I scurried out of it.

How a piece of paper could affect me so much still escapes me?

I quickly tore it to shreds and slowly they floated through the air and found their way into the dustbin.

**********************************************

I wake up every morning. The first thing that I come across in the morning is your face. Consider me superstitious. I believe you bring me luck.

I’ve never told this to you.
I’ve always wanted to tell you this. I’ve wanted to tell you this and much more.

But you never gave me the chance.

***********************************************

You are guilty as charged.

I hurt myself. I inflict pain upon myself. You make me do this. The thought of you makes me do this. I journey through a spiral of ache whenever I think of you.

So doesn’t that make you the culprit?

***********************************************

You passed by. You never even noticed. I thought that was an anomaly.

The next time too, you did the same. I still wanted to consider it an aberration. Maybe you were pre-occupied with something else. One part of me told that everything wasn’t quite right but another part of me just refused to listen.

You do that even to this day. The two parts inside of me still conflict. When will you realize my existence and put an end to this tussle?

Chains!!!

Oh!!! Bugger off!!!

That was sweet......

I think I am beginning to like you.

I really really like you.

I miss you every moment you are not with me.

I think, I really think you are the one for me. Is this what is called LOVE???

I hate you. For all the pain I inflict on myself because of You.

Confused!!! :) Will you wait for me??? 'Coz I am pretty sure you are the one for me.

It was a huge mistake. I hate YOU -- for leaving me stranded.

You've made my Life miserable. You've got to take the whole blame. I HATE YOU -- from the depths.

I need help.

It's Ok. Life moves on.

I don't feel that miserable anymore. Infact, I feel fine.

I still miss you sometimes. I think of what could have been. But it still is pretty fine.

???

P.S: Watching ESOTSM multiple times can do this to you. :P Inspired from the awesome idea that is ESOTSM. :)

Waves and Ice Cream

We sat there by the lake, watching the sun set, observing the tiny waves hit the embankment, whisk up a white foam and then roll back, giving way for a new set of waves to reconstruct the visual treat. A sea of people floated around us but both of us were oblivious to any other presence. We didn’t talk much to each other either but we were quietly basking in each other’s company. It was our first meeting in 2 years.

We had known each other for years. We used to live in the same neighbourhood. We would have crossed each others paths over a thousand times on the street. We acknowledged each others presence but we never spoke to each other. Wait….. We did talk once. “Here’s your kerchief”, I said, returning the one she’d dropped. She just smiled back. Just like she always did.

Then my family had to relocate to another town. We moved. A year flew by. Then suddenly, one day, out of the blue, I found a familiar sounding name in my inbox. I hurried to look at the contents.

Hi,
I hope you do remember me. It would be great to get back in touch.
Yours,
X.

My heart almost skipped a beat. Where did she get my address from? “It would be great to get back in touch”, she had said. Did she think we had been in touch?

But I was genuinely touched by the warmth and the sincerity of that cute lil’ mail. I was surprised but I liked it that she remembered me. What pains would she have gone through to get back in touch with me.

I replied back. And, so it began. We mailed each other frequently. The size of the mails increased exponentially with time. She listened to all my drivel, she advised me on most matters, she comforted me when I was blue and she heard me, no matter what I spoke about. She became the bearer of my secrets. She didn’t blabber as much as I did, but the introvert that she was, I knew she spoke minimum. Mails flew thick and fast. Before we knew what hit us, we progressed from being virtual strangers to being best buddies. She often kept telling me how lucky she was to have me as a friend. I reciprocated.

Then one day, I was to go to her town on some work. She insisted on meeting. I was excited. I thought of a 1000 things to do when I’d meet her. I could have made a list.

I suggested the lake. And there we were, having shared all our emotions on a virtual platform, unable to express ourselves as we faced each other. How Ironic it felt!!! Nothing from my list materialised. Still, it was very memorable.

We had an ice cream. She loved Butterscotch. I remembered. She smiled that I remembered.

Time flew that day. Or so it felt. It was time to bid goodbye. The heart was getting heavy. I was secretly wishing for time to come to a standstill. But then all things have to end. And so we parted ways.

We would have talked about that meeting a hundred times again -- whenever we met online. It was to be our moment of madness and also our fall back point -- The memento of our relationship. I savoured it truly. I think she did too.

Then, One day, as I was chatting with her, she told me she got engaged. I couldn’t react. I did not know how to react. I wished her the best and with her permission, I logged out. It took some time to sink in. Did that mean we could no longer be friends? It all seemed to be getting strange. Every thought of mine complicated my thinking further.

The next time I met her online, it all appeared Platonic. “Hi”, I said. “Hi”, she replied. A long bout of silence ensued. We chatted a few times after that. But we never got anywhere. Things had changed.

Nowadays, when I come online, I search for her name on my list. Just a Matter of Habit.

We cross each others paths online these days. I acknowledge her presence. I secretly hope she does too. We haven’t spoken since.

Life comes a Full Circle, I heard. Pearls of Wisdom. Take my word for it.


P.S: Thanx are due to TwilightFairy, whose posts inspire me.

P.P.S: As I reread what I've written, I have a sense of deja vu. Do I happen to have read something similar? Does it sound too cliched? Anyways, Cheers to my First Shot at Short Stories.