Welling up for the Geeks!!!

Vanity Card from the 5th Season Finale of the sitcom The Big Bang Theory!!!

Somehow feels really really good seeing the geeky people on the show find (and get to be with) their geeky special someone. Like Chuck Lorre says, I hope you're holding someone's hand, that someone special!!! Touch wood...

The Solution

"The solution to the problems of politics is more politics and better politics; not destroying politics or reviling politics or contempt for political process."
~
Dr. Jayaprakash Narayan, Lok Satta.

And, all we is do is sit here and call them crooks. Human beings, by nature, are obsessed with power - the aphrodisiac that absolutely corrupts. So if you are the kind that is pointing fingers at the corrupt, then dare yourself to take their place and change the system.

Be the change. Effectuate it.

Downs, Troughs n More Sulking :)

After an 8 month hiatus, I am here, wanting to put into words.

There was a time when time was in abundance and I didn't know what to do with the time on hand. That was IIT.

Now I have to scamper through umpteen pages, do analysis, read abstract crap - most of which makes no sense. Then get myself tested and graded with the multitude of quizzes. Subsequently I m made to feel like a load of crap looking at my pathetic display at them. This is IIM - IIMA to be more precise and exact.

02/09/2010
(Typed out of frustration in early January. Back then, I wanted to talk about bigger things that were happening to me but couldn't muster enough courage to post 'em here. :-/
Now the last 8 months look passe. I don't think I now actually care so much about it. Just some passing phases in life. But we grow up, don't we?
Anyways, Just posting this for posterity. Someday I'd look back and realize how I'd felt and then maybe have a good laugh over it.)

Life is full of surprises!!!

Ok. I meant Surprise Quizzes.

At least my life @ IIM A is.

PS: Too many surprises don't make many more surprises.

Crap

It is in the unlikeliest places that you’ll find the things that you are desperately looking for.

Does the heart know what the head is up to? And vice versa? If they do, then do they concur? If they don’t which one comes out trumps? Maybe I am 2 selves rolled into one. :|

Sometimes we ignore people and do not care. It is not until someone else ignores us that we realize the pain that we similarly inflicted on another.

You come in unannounced. You create questions. And then you walk out. So do I not get a say in anything? Isn't it a violation of my rights?

There is this person that loves you. You are aware of that. But you keep them at a distance but dexterously manage to keep them within your line of vision and still taunt them and ignite new hope. Is there a sadistic pleasure you can derive from that?

Do you look at somebody and think that they do not deserve all that they have? Or maybe that you deserve all that more than that person did? Or maybe been seen in such a way? It is deviously unfathomable that one can think that way, and trust me when I say what I say, there could be nothing more awkward than that.

PS : Some crap I wrote waaayyyy back.

Contemplations

On the way home from office today, I realized something. It is precisely this time I can consider my “Alone Time” – time I get to be with none other than myself, time to think about self, coupled with a blank, idle mind devoid of work related tensions and with ample time for contemplations.

Done with work for the day, I stumble along the pavement to the bus stop. As I wait for a bus that ain’t crowded or for a cab to arrive, I am usually lost in thought. Probably, I am a thinking person. I do the math -- various permutations and combination -- of the multitude of situations and relationships involving me as also the peripheral ones. Meanwhile, a cab/bus with a vacant window seat comes by and I hop on. I take my seat, unlock the window so as to allow an optimum breeze, arising out of the vehicle in motion, to trickle along the perimeter of my face. And then, inevitably, I get lost in my train of thoughts again.

Does anybody in the world ever care about my existence?
How would it be if I didn’t exist?
What is the very purpose of this existence?
Do I feel like I belong?
Will I ever find anybody who will be my ‘someone special’?
Will I ever be anything other than single?
Will somebody ever feel possessive about me?
Why do I not have anybody to share all my feelings with?
What is it that makes somebody that ‘someone special’?
And the train of thought goes on building………………………

And then I alight from the bus, reach home and find signs of habitation. Lo, Poooffffff.....The thoughts that have built up vaporize all of a sudden and I am restored back to reality, to normalcy.

With just a few more days of office life remaining, as I write this piece, I surely think I will miss my ‘alone time’. Through all the negativism and the emotional turmoil it generates, I always wished I could avoid it. But in laughing at my pitiable state, I have been able to unearth new strengths and extract previously unfound answers about a lot many things. Whether the renowned academic rigour at WIMWI would allow me my share of contemplations daily is to wait and watch for.

The WIMWI dream

Sometimes you dream. Day in Day out. You work hard. But it so happens that your dreams do not fructify. For whatever reasons.

So what next? You either persevere and try hard one more time to let your dreams materialize or else you seek the escape route and aspire for something else.

Getting into the top B schools in the country has always been my dream. After the CAT fiasco last year, I decided not to give CAT again – CAT dumped me once and so I told myself that I hated it. But in actuality, I lost all belief that I could clear CAT and was just seeking the escape route.

But then again, we can never really be the master of our own destiny -- Can we?. Certain circumstances made me rethink my stance. I pushed myself to give CAT again this year. I started preparing in earnest. The resentment towards it easily sobered. Somewhere still, there was this doubt implanted in my mind frame that said I still wouldn’t be able to clear it. Yet, I just egged myself on. I persevered.

There is this amazing quote attributed to Paulo Coelho which goes “When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true”.

I really wanted to clear CAT. And I gave it my all. The result was a GD/PI call from each of the 6 IIM’s.

Admittedly, the GD/PI scene was an altogether different ball game. A New Arena. Still I held the same mantra. Desire + Hardwork + Perseverance.

After a struggle through the interview season, I now stand with admits from all the IIMs save K. I Finally stand Vindicted.

A dream that has been long in the making has finally been brought to fruition. It still all feels like a hazy dream and the feeling is yet to sink in.

With the choice I had in hand, I wasn’t amazingly spoilt for choice. It had always been about a single entity – IIM A. I knew my destiny. I knew where I'd be going.

IIM A. My destiny. My dream.

So Vastrapur!!! Here I come to live my dream. :)


PS : 1) Dream and then work hard. Nothing is unattainable.

2) WIMWI stands for Well Known Institute of Management in Western India.i.e IIM A

3) GD/PI = Group Discussions/Personal Interview.

Questions???

"Do I love you because you're beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
Am I making believe I see in you
A girl too lovely (perfect) to be really true?
Do I want you because you're wonderful
Or are you wonderful because I want you?
Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream
Or are you really as beautiful as you seem?"

Subtly engendering the true feelings of any lovelorn person, this beautiful lyrical composition from Cinderella raises a few alarming questions in my head. The chimera of the perfect person that one falls in love with and the actual person might actually be nowhere remotely similiar (as is mostly the case). So, why create the illusion in the first place?

Crush

Awesome Song by David Archuleta -- The runner up at American Idol 2008.

Been on my playlist for a long, long time. Hence wanted to share. I suppose every guy would have experienced feelings similiar to the ones in the song -- at least once in their lifetime!!!

I suppose I need to listen to newer songs. Suggestions nebody???

Silent Tears!!!

Every day, I wait for you. You never come.

Yet I persevere. One day I hope you will. With this hope, I live.

The last time I waited through the wee hours of the night. It was freezing. The cold tested my guts. I was frozen to the bone. I could have so easily quit. But then the pain was obscured by the joy in persevering with the thought that you would arrive. You never did.

**********************************************

I could not sleep. You were in all my thoughts. I tried shutting you off my thoughts. I cleared my mind. I assumed I was at peace.

You somehow found the way to claw back.

When did I bestow this power upon you? Never realized all the way, that giving you this power was nothing but losing a few powers myself.

**********************************************

It looked like an old folded piece of paper. I was about to dispose it off in the dustbin. But the writing seemed familiar. I opened the paper. It was one of the many letters you had written.

In flooded a multitude of thoughts. I was caught in a time warp – transporting me along a chain of events that resulted in the letter and the events that ensued thereafter. It still is a distinct memory. I felt like I was in a trance. I scurried out of it.

How a piece of paper could affect me so much still escapes me?

I quickly tore it to shreds and slowly they floated through the air and found their way into the dustbin.

**********************************************

I wake up every morning. The first thing that I come across in the morning is your face. Consider me superstitious. I believe you bring me luck.

I’ve never told this to you.
I’ve always wanted to tell you this. I’ve wanted to tell you this and much more.

But you never gave me the chance.

***********************************************

You are guilty as charged.

I hurt myself. I inflict pain upon myself. You make me do this. The thought of you makes me do this. I journey through a spiral of ache whenever I think of you.

So doesn’t that make you the culprit?

***********************************************

You passed by. You never even noticed. I thought that was an anomaly.

The next time too, you did the same. I still wanted to consider it an aberration. Maybe you were pre-occupied with something else. One part of me told that everything wasn’t quite right but another part of me just refused to listen.

You do that even to this day. The two parts inside of me still conflict. When will you realize my existence and put an end to this tussle?

B'day Wishes

My Birthday is the only day of the year when my phone in a single day gets as much exercise as it normally does in almost a month. Thanks a tonne to all those who remembered the day and kept me engaged on the phone and my apologies to those that I couldn't attend to at the first go, either because I was sleeping or because I was at work.

Coming to Birthday wishes, they are of many a kind.

Some you expect. And you get. Like your parents. Your close kin. Friends in your inner circle. They've wished you each year. They continue to. They most probably will continue to(I Hope). You feel blessed to have them on your side -- willing you on in your endeavors, wishing you the very best in life. These wishes are those that fill your heart with their warmth.

Then there are some you least expect. They come from nowhere -- just like that, a bolt out of the blue. An old school mate who hasn't spoken to you in years. The guy who was your constant company when you went home for holidays. These are mostly unexpected and it thrills you that somebody so out of touch could still remember your birthday and did call to wish you. These are very very sweet and really touching gestures.

Then there are few you very much expect. But which you don't get. Maybe that person has forgotten your birthday. So you call that person and remind them that its your birthday and coax wishes out of them somehow hinting that it is your birthday. :) These wishes are slightly tricky -- there is a tinge of disappointment that your birthday has been forgotten but you are happy you've been wished finally.

And then there are those few who forget. And which you do nothing about but just remember that they'd have wished you if you turned back the clock. Maybe now they are far away. Maybe you've moved far away. These hurt -- not because they forgot but because you can sense the wane in the relation.

Quite some reflection, huh. All in all, a very Interesting Birthday this, I must say.

MAD

When you cannot be mad at somebody, no matter what they do, you know for sure that you are at the focal point of attraction in your relationship curve.

When you cannot 'stay' mad at somebody for long, then you know that your relationship has mellowed over time and that you've found optimum comfort levels with each other.

TGIF!!! Naah

"Friday", he prophesized, "Friday my friend, You realise how the whole universe is conspiring against you -- hatching the most devilish plot against you".

"How is that?", I queried.

"Hmm.... Here's what happens. Listen. You come to office on Friday anticipating the weekend ahead and you see loads of work dumped onto you. It is late in the evening when you see people trickling out but you know you are going to be in for a couple more hours at least. Your plans to go hit the pub scene are in a disarray. You see your ex flame online and can do nothing but feel bad the relation should've worked. The ones with whom you've made plans for the evening have dumped you to go ahead with them, albeit without you. And then at last, you somehow manage to shut the system off and move out. You trudge your way back home when you see enthusiastic couples vrooming past you on bikes, presumably to the disco. You manage to utter a 'ptch' and continue moving ahead. You realise you are left to yourself and have no company for supper and you also do not know where to go and hence decide to skip it. Further, it dawns on you that you have the weekend ahead and you have 'absolutely' nothing to do. In that moment of solitude and helplessness, you begin to realise how F**ked up you are and what a pathetic state you are in. And then it hits you and it seeps in....... "

PS : Tried reproducing verbatim.
Today I think I am a little close to knowing how he felt....

Proximity -- It's in the mind!!!

"Though we were miles apart, we used to be very close. Now that we live in the same city, we feel so far off."

Damn it!!! The Irony of Life!!!

P.S: Ever felt that way???

Crush.... Crushes???

"Why do I fall in love with every girl who shows me the least bit of attention?"

Kudos to Charlie Khaufman & Michael Gondry for coming up with ESOTSM and, in particular, this piquant yet piercing quote.

Spooky......

Completely took me by surprise, Though I must admit I do not entirely agree with what it is trying to convey.......

P.S : 'Twas a long time back.

Guy Songs

I'd presumed that lovey-dovey heartbreak songs were always meant to be feminine. Not that I don't expect heartbreak in the male dominion, just that I don't expect them to make their feelings public -- some sort of chivalry one could say.

But then chanced upon these two lovely songs that entirely quashed my theory. Pure Macho, Mannish Heartbreak. Is there any chance the heartbreak and the emotions are actually genuine???

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

P.S: I'm a hopeless romantic... Duh!!!

Never love anyone so much as to give them the power to hurt you.
--
Some filmy Quote

P.S : When will people ever learn???

The Best Gift -- Ever !!! :)

When the night is so cold,
and you are finding things hard,
When you feel you are nothing,
another body to discard,
When you are feeling empty,
and inside you are numb,
When memories haunt you,
and you regret things you've done.
Just remember the faith,
that I will always have in you,
Remember the strength of your soul,
that you use to get through,
Remember I am here forever,
to help you through that night,
The one that feels never- ending,
the one that fills you with fright,
Remember my hand holding yours,
and the pureness in your heart,
I will be here until the end,
even if i was not here at the start.
I'll always be there at heart...!!

P.S : Something I received for my last Birthday. Just thought I'd share it -- before it fades into oblivion.