Crap

It is in the unlikeliest places that you’ll find the things that you are desperately looking for.

Does the heart know what the head is up to? And vice versa? If they do, then do they concur? If they don’t which one comes out trumps? Maybe I am 2 selves rolled into one. :|

Sometimes we ignore people and do not care. It is not until someone else ignores us that we realize the pain that we similarly inflicted on another.

You come in unannounced. You create questions. And then you walk out. So do I not get a say in anything? Isn't it a violation of my rights?

There is this person that loves you. You are aware of that. But you keep them at a distance but dexterously manage to keep them within your line of vision and still taunt them and ignite new hope. Is there a sadistic pleasure you can derive from that?

Do you look at somebody and think that they do not deserve all that they have? Or maybe that you deserve all that more than that person did? Or maybe been seen in such a way? It is deviously unfathomable that one can think that way, and trust me when I say what I say, there could be nothing more awkward than that.

PS : Some crap I wrote waaayyyy back.

Contemplations

On the way home from office today, I realized something. It is precisely this time I can consider my “Alone Time” – time I get to be with none other than myself, time to think about self, coupled with a blank, idle mind devoid of work related tensions and with ample time for contemplations.

Done with work for the day, I stumble along the pavement to the bus stop. As I wait for a bus that ain’t crowded or for a cab to arrive, I am usually lost in thought. Probably, I am a thinking person. I do the math -- various permutations and combination -- of the multitude of situations and relationships involving me as also the peripheral ones. Meanwhile, a cab/bus with a vacant window seat comes by and I hop on. I take my seat, unlock the window so as to allow an optimum breeze, arising out of the vehicle in motion, to trickle along the perimeter of my face. And then, inevitably, I get lost in my train of thoughts again.

Does anybody in the world ever care about my existence?
How would it be if I didn’t exist?
What is the very purpose of this existence?
Do I feel like I belong?
Will I ever find anybody who will be my ‘someone special’?
Will I ever be anything other than single?
Will somebody ever feel possessive about me?
Why do I not have anybody to share all my feelings with?
What is it that makes somebody that ‘someone special’?
And the train of thought goes on building………………………

And then I alight from the bus, reach home and find signs of habitation. Lo, Poooffffff.....The thoughts that have built up vaporize all of a sudden and I am restored back to reality, to normalcy.

With just a few more days of office life remaining, as I write this piece, I surely think I will miss my ‘alone time’. Through all the negativism and the emotional turmoil it generates, I always wished I could avoid it. But in laughing at my pitiable state, I have been able to unearth new strengths and extract previously unfound answers about a lot many things. Whether the renowned academic rigour at WIMWI would allow me my share of contemplations daily is to wait and watch for.

Lazy Weekend

It's been a pretty lazy weekend. Just like any other I've had at Bangalore. Earlier it was the weekly Mock CAT, then the preparations for the GD/PI that kept me engaged and made me stay home. Now there is pretty much nothing on my plate but it still is somehow the same.
With just 1 more month left to savor Bangalore, I seriously hoped for some action. But it just isn't destined to be. Initially the weekend was earmarked for a few treats and a couple of parties to attend. But then a sudden, pleasant surprise had me rescheduling, read cancelling, all my previous plans and left me anticipating a fun weekend. But when you make plans, they are bound to get screwed up. It always happens with me. And get screwed, they did. Royally, in fact.
With all plans conking out, I was really left with nothing better to do but watch soaps on my lappy on a "sooper lazy Sunday". Again..... Sigh!!!

Virtual Spaces and Reality!!!

"With you around me(in virtual space, yeah) life was so much easy, so much fun, so much to look forward to.
Now that you are no more near(in soul perhaps) I miss you, I miss the very thought of you."

P.S : Wow!!! There it goes, off my chest!!!
Never thought I'd ever express it, let alone feel that way. Life can get so filmy, duh.